Bereavement support Blog

Remember a Loved One at Your Wedding

Freddie Chandler
Freddie Chandler
How to remember a loved one at your wedding

When a couple get engaged, it can be a bittersweet time if you are missing someone who has died. While you might have wanted to share your exciting news with them, there are some ways you can consider to make them part of your big day. It is possible to feel both happy and sad on your wedding day, and your wedding day will still be wonderful and personal to you both. Grief can resurface during big life events, even if your loved one died some time ago, so allow yourself to feel your feelings of grief and remember your loved one on your wedding day.

Leading up to the day

Be gentle with yourself on occasions that you are missing your loved one, for example trying on your dress or suit. Remember that Mum or Grandpa would have loved to have been part of it, say their name, and maybe take a moment to talk about them.

You could wear a piece of jewellery that is important to you and the person you are missing, or add a tiny gesture to them in your outfit. Could your something borrowed be a pocket square or a watch, or could you include a little bit of fabric in your dress that belonged to your Mum?

You could choose a flower that reminds you of the person you are missing for your bouquets and buttonholes. For example, does the smell of sweet peas remind you of your Grandpa, if so why not add them to your celebration?

On the day

There are lots of different ways that you can remember someone at your wedding.

It’s a lovely idea to raise a glass to them in your toast, and some people like to have a place setting or a photo of their special person on the top table.

You can remember them with music: your first dance could be a piece of music you all enjoyed, or maybe you could start the dancing with a song you remember dancing with them to.

You could include a favourite meal or drink on your menu that reminds you of who you are missing- did they make the best pudding? Or could you add a cocktail that celebrates them- for example, was your best friend full of fizz? If so, add it to your menu in honour of that person- it’s sure to raise a smile.

If you are having a faith wedding, you can ask your faith leader to remember your loved one in your wedding prayers.

You could ask for donations at your wedding for a charity close to your heart. At St Wilfrid’s Hospice, we support couples who’d like to have a wedding donation box or wedding favours relating to raising money for the Hospice, so that the charity can go on to support other families in a similar situation in the future.

On your wedding day, be honest with your partner about your grief. Take a moment together, away from everyone else, to remember your loved one. It could be lovely to ask your photographer to capture this moment, and some photographers can even offer the option to digitally include your loved one in one of your wedding pictures.

We hope these ideas will give you some comfort and normalise including someone’s memory in your wedding. Your wedding is personal to you both, and having memories of someone important to you will be a touching moment in a very happy day.

 

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